I would like to say that I was born into a home that knew the Lord, that I was saved at the age of seven, baptized in my family’s church, and lived a wholesome Hallmark movie kind of life… But that would be a lie.
The truth, even for those who grew up in the church, tends to be more difficult than one would imagine. I think that is one of the universal truths of life…living it is hard.
In The Beginning…
Instead of a picturesque upbringing, that television tends to brainwash us to want, I was raised rough, crazy, and wonderful.
My dad was Catholic, and my mom was Methodist- it is safe to say religion was rarely talked about in our home, but each had their tenderness to the Almighty. In our house it showed up more as the moral police, “Kasey, are you lying to me?” My mama would ask. “No, ma’am,” I’d answer. “Honest, to God?” She would respond.
It was always that phrase that would catch me- did the big eye in the sky see what I did? It certainly helped me stay in line. Looking back I think God was preparing my heart for our first true encounter.
And Then We Met…
It wasn’t until I was in college that God decided to properly introduce Himself. I had been going through a very rough and traumatic season, one that had left me fumbling for answers, questioning my self-worth, and isolating myself to toxic degrees.
One night I had an overwhelming urge to get away. I remember seeing my cell phone on my desk and not wanting it anywhere near me. It was a way the world intruded upon me and I just wanted to be alone.
It was November in Upstate New York. I left my dorm in my pajamas, ugg boots, and puffy winter coat in the middle of the night no less! I wandered the streets of my little college town, watching snowflakes waltz within in the orange glow of the street lights. Mentally screaming.
I had convinced myself that no one saw me, no one saw the pain I was in, or would even care that I was drowning in my mind. I ended up on a park bench watching huge chunks of ice float down the Saint Lawrence River. I remember thinking how nice it would be to walk into that icy water and go numb, to be free of the emotional pain that had become my constant companion.
That’s when my phone rang.
The very phone I remember leaving on my desk was now vibrating in my coat pocket. My Mama was calling.
The Message That Saved Me
At one o’clock in the morning, my mother woke from a dead sleep and knew she needed to call me. The instant we connected she gave me the message that would change my life forever.
” Kasey, God sees you.”
It was so simple, so heartfelt, and incredibly devastating to my way of thinking at the time. God sees me. He sees my pain. He sees my calls for help. He sees my hunger for something else. He sees my shame. He sees my hurt. HE SEE’S ME!
I wish I could say my life changed in that instant. That I was free of the pain and trauma, that I was healed, and that life became great. But that would be a lie.
It took ten more years before I truly accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, the King of my life. Those ten years were full of more hurt, and some healing, they were full of hiding and disobedience, they were full of questions and wrong answers.
But through it all God was faithful. Bit by bit He led me to the right people to give me the answers I needed, He began to heal the hurts and open my eyes to the pain I caused as well.
When I finally accepted Him as the Lord of my life, at the age of 29, that is when the true healing started. That is when I felt a peace that went beyond my understanding. That is when God slowly began to give me the answers I could handle, building on the foundations He had been working on in my life all along.
Why Am I Tell You This?
You may be asking why I am even telling you this. It’s a fair question with a simple answer.
I love you and so does Jesus.
You, my dear friend, are broken, whether you realize it, or not. Your story may be very similar to mine, or it may be completely different but I bet you have felt the pain of being hurt, the loneliness of losing a friend, the heartbreak of being betrayed, the emptiness that you can’t seem to fill with relationships, entertainment, drugs, or booze.
Let’s be honest life without God isn’t easy- but life with God isn’t either the difference between the two is the knowledge, understanding, worth, and joy that can be found when we know who we belong to.
My hope in sharing my story, and the many articles on this website, is that you will learn the truth of God’s faithful love and experience it for yourself.
Please know, Sweet Friend, you are loved.
